Interview with Mark Loewen, Author of “What Does a Princess Really Look Like?”

Why is it important to you that Chloe isn’t a perfect stereotypical princess?

Before I wrote the book, I sometimes asked Chloe to play "princess and knight." In the beginning, she was the princess and I was the knight. And the way she played it was that stereotypical princess. So when I asked if we could change roles, I noticed how much she enjoyed being a "knightess." I realized that she had just been playing the role of the "perfect princess" because she thought that was the role she was cast in. So when I wrote the book, I wanted to tell a story about a girl who figures out that she can break that mold. 

You’ve talked about how your daughter inspired the creation of What Does a Princess Really Look Like? What do you hope the book will give her, and other young girls?

In the story, as Chloe creates her own version of a princess, she looks in the mirror. I hope this book can help all kids see that they can be the princess (or knightess, or superhero) they want to be, but that they don't need to look elsewhere. We can all become our own very best by looking inside of ourselves. We define ourselves. 

But the book is also one of very few with a main character who just happens to have gay dads. It introduces LGBT families to kids in a very simple, natural way. So I also hope that it expands children's view of what a family can look like. 

How have children reacted to the book? How have parents reacted to it?

This was my first published picture book, so I was really anxious! But it's been wonderful to hear the children's reactions. When I read the part about Chloe's two dads in a classroom, one child said, "I have two dads too!" The other children responded with an 'ahh' as if something clicked in their heads. Those moments are invaluable for me. 

As a male, writing a book about a girl, an a book with a feminist message at that, I'm also really grateful for how many moms have responded. I love when they tag me in their pictures with their daughters who are reading the book, or who are completing the art activity at the end of the book. 

It has been really well received! I received a few homophobic messages, but those were insignificant compared to the positive responses from readers, parents and teachers. 

What advice do you have for parents who are raising young girls?

Well, since we are two dads raising a girl, for us the most important thing has been to read, learn, and listen to women. The experiences of women can often differ completely from our experiences as men. So my first piece of advice is to read. I've read all of Rachel Simmons' books, and I often reference her. (And she was gracious enough to endorse my book!)

Another thing that I often think about is that we went from telling girls that they can be anything, to telling them they need to be everything. Everybody has different strengths, and no one has them all. Sometimes we expect all girls to be that outgoing, empowered superhero. Girls get to choose for themselves what strengths they want to focus on, and no one needs to be perfect. Society's expectations of girls are so high, that we try to help our daughter realistically identify where she wants to push herself, and where she can let someone else excel. 

If you could have had access to, as a child, one or two currently published children’s books, what would they be and why?

I grew up in a very conservative community in Paraguay. We didn't' have any gay rights organizations or anything like that. I didn't learn to accept myself until I was an adult. So, when I read "A Peacock Among Pigeons" by Clarione Gutierrez and Tyler Curry, I cried. And I was an adult then! It's a story about a peacock egg that somehow ended up in a pigeons' nest. So the peacock always tries to hide his colors and adjust the way he walks so that he can fit in with everyone around him. One day he finds that there are so many different birds out there and learns to embrace his true colors. I wish I had that one as a child!

Are there any children’s books out now - written by yourself or others - that you wish you could have read as a child?

 I believe that it's incredibly important for young children to have access to books that show families with LGBT parents. I'm not a fan of romantic stories for young children, so I think that showing that someone can have two moms or two dads is a great way of teaching kids that they can one day fall in love with anyone they choose. So, other than my own book (hehe), I'd also recommend books like Lesléa Newman's "Heather Has Two Moms," or "The Great Big Book of Families," by Mary Hoffman and Ros Asquith.